


L'oreal #1

by Ehollis303 (TalonWillow)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Amortentia, Awkward Blow Jobs, Fluff and Crack, Friendship/Love, Gen, Hair Dyeing, Humor, Oblivious Harry, Oblivious Ron Weasley, Sexual Fantasy, Spice Girls References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:26:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23320165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TalonWillow/pseuds/Ehollis303
Summary: To Harry, Amortentia smells like Pumpkin Pasties, Lavender Brown and Draco Malfoy's Hair Dye potion. Does this really mean he is destined to be in love with three people, and why did it have to be those three? Hopefully, with the helping hand of his best mate and a Sporty Spice girl he will be able to figure everything out.
Relationships: Lavender Brown/Ron Weasley
Comments: 13
Kudos: 13
Collections: Cards Against Muggles Crack Fest





	L'oreal #1

**Author's Note:**

> Fun little fic for the Hermione's Nook ᏟᎪᏒᎠs ᎪᎶᎪᎥᏁsᏆ muᎶᎶᏞᎬs ᏟᏒᎪᏟᏦ fᎬsᏆ. 
> 
> All bad ideas and mess-ups are my own! 
> 
> Disclaimer: JK owns this world, I just like to play in it.

"Come Monday, I expect three feet of parchment on the effects of Amortentia as well as your own experience with the smell. I will know should answers be...not...genuine..." Professor Snape always had a flair for drawing out his sentences. "So I suggest Messers Potter and Weasley NOT copy from Miss Granger this time. You are dismissed.” 

As if on autopilot, Harry walked with his peers back to the Gryffindor common room, the whole time trying to process what just happened to him. It had to have been a mistake, he had smelled Amortentia before and he remembers distinctly; treacle tart, the wood of his broomstick and a flower at the Burrow. So how could it be now his psyche was smelling something totally different! 

Pumpkin Pasties, Lavender Brown's perfume, and Draco Malfoy's Hair dye potion. Was he really in love with three people? The Pumpkin Pasties - obviously that was Cho Chang, she loved those things. Lavender’s perfume; I mean, that was pretty easy to piece together. But Draco Malfoy, how could he be in Love with Malfoy? The bigger question, would they all want to be with him as well. 

"Harry, did you hear me? Snap out if it, mate." Ron said, shaking him out of his walking daze. Apparently Ron had kept a conversation going through his internal musing.

"Are you alright? You look like someone just killed your best friend, and I'm your best friend." Somehow they had ended up in the boy's dorm so Ron could change into his quidditch kit. 

"What, yeah. I'm fine. I just...hey can I tell you something without you, you know thinking weird of me?" Harry tentatively broached the subject, he might as well get his best friend and Lavender's sometimes lover’s opinion. 

"Of course, Bruv. You can tell me anything." Ron's reply was muffled as he was stuffing his face with Harry's favorite brand of Honey Barbecue Crisps that he could only get by post from the States that he must've taken out of Harry's trunk. 

"Well, so the potion today. I kinda have a problem… I kinda smelled Lavender’s perfume." 

He rushed the words out while squinting his eyes almost expecting a blowback from Ron at being in love with his girl. 

The instant grin and triumphant arm pump though was not what Harry was expecting. 

"That's great Harry, you going after her will get her off my back...I mean she's a great lay, those tits, and that arse, but she's into some kinky shit, man! I didn't know how much more I could…" he slowed his exuberance seeing Harry's perplexed face. "I mean, you have my blessing." 

"But, Ron, there is a little problem. See, according to the Amortentia, I'm also in love with Cho Chang…" Harry responded with that same guarded, fearful expression. 

"You lucky bastard! " Ron was clutching his fist in his mouth. "Imagine you with Lav and Cho. Harry, that's every bloke's wet dream right there. Lav's curves, and Cho's trim athletic legs and her…"

"Wait, wait who said I'd get both of them?“ Harry asked confusion flitted across his face. He was hoping Ron could talk him through HOW he could smell multiple people not how he could HAVE multiple people. Maybe he should've talked to Hermione first.

"I keep forgetting, you didn't grow up in a magical family so you don't know these things. It's not at all uncommon for magical couples to be, well, what's a couple version of three people, a throuple, a threesome? No, that's not it ?" Harry could see the cogs of Ron's brain grinding harder than they normally did. 

"A Triad?" Harry supplied cautiously, hating to break the train of thought that clearly was trying to get to the station. 

"Yeah" Ron snapped his fingers as excitement was etched on his face."Yeah, a triad. Not uncommon for wizards and witches you see. It just makes it easier when it's two sexy witches like Lav and Cho...especially in bed. So, Lav's already mentioned before that she wanted me to polyjuice into Ginny so she could shag a less feminine Weasley..." Ron stopped and pondered his own statement, apparently just realizing the insult Lavender was giving him or...was picturing the buxom blonde and him as Ginny shagging. It was hard to tell what was going through his mind. 

"Ron" Harry snapped his fingers attempting to get the train back on track.

"Sorry...anyway," Ron was back. "We know Lav will probably be down to the idea of you and another girl, and Cho, well…she does play quidditch, and you know what they say about quidditch girls; _they all play for the home team at some time or another_." 

Harry thought about the third part of the equation. The very male part of the equation, his mortal enemy part of the equation, the one whose father would hear about it if he were any part of the equation. That part was going to have to wait as Ron was still rambling on and on about the different positions and scenarios Harry could find himself in as a part of the Lavender/Harry/Cho sandwich. 

"...I mean if you want me to that is?" 

Harry had missed something important. "Wait. What ?"

"I'm on my way to meet with Cho now, remember she agreed to meet with me all this week to work on my flying forms as a favor to Ginny. I mean, I could casually bring up something to her, just kind of feel her out if you know what I mean." Ron said as he rushed out of their common room. "I gotcha mate." 

"Sure," Harry yelled after the tall Keeper. If Harry was honest he cut quite a nice figure in his quidditch uniform and Cho would probably think the good-looking guy was hitting on her if he started "asking for a friend", but why not. If the Amortentia said it was to be, who was he to argue? This was his fate, even if the Lavender/Harry/Cho sandwich was not as delicious sounding to Harry as it was to Ron. Of course, he hadn't even told him about the side of Draco yet. 

Harry sprawled back on his bed and pondered this last bit. Harry could not say he had never found a man attractive, after all, he was just admiring the way Ron looked in his uniform. But he had never thought of being with a man before in that way. Truth be told he hadn’t really fancied anyone this year. Sure he'd snogged Luna last fall at the welcome back party, but there had been a lot of spiked pumpkin juice involved - and then there was that 7 minutes in heaven when Pansy had gotten pretty handsy at the Slytherin yule party. Hermione had even taken second place in the best friend category as she was spending all her time with her boy toy Theo Nott. Harry really just wanted to spend most of his time with Ron. 

Could he be attracted to a man? 

He closed his eyes, his exhaustion helped to transport his mind to his go-to fantasy: The quidditch pitches showers. He could see it now, steam filling the room from all the showers going at once. His muscles are sore from a hard long day on the pitch after he and Ron had been practicing. Ron had really pushed him to his limits out there. He uses his wand to remove his dirty uniform and once naked he steps under the perfectly warmed spray and moves his hands down to his decently sized shaft and starts soaping up his tepid flesh. "You look like you could use a hand..." Comes the silky voice of Sporty-Spice of the Spice Girls, his go-to wank partner in crime, but wait...he's supposed to be trying to picture if he could be attracted to men.

Fantasy Sporty-Spice frowns as she gets up off her knees where she had assumed she would be doing what she always does in Harry's dreams. "Sorry, Mel. Maybe next time!" he yells after her apologetically as she walks away, her tight arse in her work out pants urging him on a little more. 

He feels himself building up just as he opens his eyes to a sneering Malfoy spitting out "Having fun, Potter?" 

"No!!'' Harry screamed out loud as he was pulled out of his dream-like state. Panting heavily, he was actually relieved to see his erection turned tail at the sight of Malfoy. 

"Ok, that settles that. No side of Malfoy." Harry said out loud as he started changing out of his school uniform. He looked out the tower window and spotted the quidditch pitch where he saw a figure moving through the air gracefully. He figured he would go watch Ron and Cho run their forms for a while before dinner since a sleep or a wank was out of the question, or was it...His erection had returned. It must be from watching Cho on her broom. With excitement, he conjured his favorite blueberry flavored lube and disillusioned himself in case anyone else walked into the dorm and found his pleasure as he looked out at the figure on the broom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An hour later, feeling better having a wank NOT to Malfoy. Harry made his way down to the quidditch showers to see if he could catch up with Ron so they could walk together to dinner. Curiosity of the conversation Ron had with Cho edging into his mind. Entering the Boys showers when not in a dream state was a whole different experience. There was a myriad of smells, some good, some not so good. He could tell Cho was near as he smelled the Pumpkin Pasties, he also could smell Lavender and a strong potion-y smell was lingering as well. 

"You look like you could use a hand."

_Sporty, is that you_? Harry thought to himself while walking further into the showers. Surely, he wasn’t still asleep. 

"Oh, Draco. I can't wait to suck your huge cock!"

Nope, definitely not still in a dream state. That made sense why the smell of Draco's hair dye potion was overpowering him right now. Curiosity got the best of him, just as he rounded the corner to see Lavender on her knees in front of Ron bobbing her head up and down.

Harry stopped in his tracks, just out of view of the amorous couple. Ron was getting head from Lavender, the girl that according to some stupid potion HE was supposed to be in love with. The other girl he was supposed to be in love with was somewhere close and could walk in at any moment, as was the other guy he was supposed to be in love with. Wait, why had Lavender called Ron, Malfoy. 

Harry just stared at the couple, saw Ron trying pathetically to get Lavender to stand up. "Lav...hold up...oh yeah...Wait...I need to talk to...oh gods, yes.” The pure joy and pleasure running over his handsome features gave Harry an answer to his earlier question of whether he could be attracted to a man. If that man was Ron Weasley. "Hell, Yes. “ slipped out loud before he could stop it. 

Ron's eyes shot open to look Harry in the face just as Lavender's face came away from between Ron's legs and she ran out of the boy's bathroom with her head in her hands crying in embarrassment. 

"Ron, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. I mean, I heard her say Draco…" he looked around to see where Draco was just as he caught the ragged breathing form of Ron with his impressive erection blanketed by, not Weasley-Red pubic hair, but a bright white Malfoy-Blonde carpet. 

"Ron, please explain to me why your pubes are white…" Harry started, breathing heavily both at the excitement of seeing his best friend, well - excited and at what he was putting together in his mind.

"Harry, mate...I told you Lav was into some freaky stuff man. She stole Draco's Hair dye potion and had me dye my pubes white so she could pretend she was sucking off Malfoy, something about sucking off a real man…" Ron went silent seeing again the insult Lavender had so graciously bestowed upon him. 

"Ron, Cho’s not here is she?" Harry asked, even though he knew the answer. 

Even with his erection still waving proudly, Ron's head moved feebly in a ‘no’ pattern. "Cancelled on me. But she left me an “I'm sorry” present." 

He indicated with his head over to the changing area where there was a half-eaten tray of pumpkin pasties next to Ron's discarded kit. 

Harry, smelled the air. Yep, just as he thought. Lavender was gone and he could still smell her scent. How could he be so stupid? Harry sat down on the shower floors, ignoring the dampness of the ground and took his head in his hands. Cho WASN’T the only one who enjoyed the Pumpkin Pasties, Lavender's Scent was obviously all over Ron and The hair dye, well that would make sense now, wouldn’t it. Harry started to laugh a little to himself as Ron looked around sheepishly, still very much naked and wet. 

Misconstruing Harry's exasperation for his despair of his Amortentia results - Ron came over and sat on the set ground next to his Best mate. He put his hand on his shoulder and rubbed consoling. 

"Hey mate, look on the bright side, at least your scents make sense." He laughed at his own little joke here. "Mine smelled like; Blueberries, American Barbecue and like the cupboard under old aunt Tessy's stairs." 

  
  


THE END


End file.
